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Filipina Wife - Heaven or Hell?

  
Relationship, Family and Marriage Thread, Filipina Wife - Heaven or Hell? in Culture, Lifestyle, Relationship and Family; Original article written by an American. Fun to read Welcome to Heaven! Filipinas are the greatest wives on earth! Any ...
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  #1  
Old 05-11-2008, 04:41 AM
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Smile Filipina Wife - Heaven or Hell?

Original article written by an American. Fun to read

Welcome to Heaven!

Filipinas are the greatest wives on earth! Any man who doesn’t marry a Filipina is making a big mistake! They are all beautiful, loving girls who want nothing more in life than to please their husbands. All of them are virgins until married – sex before marriage is absolutely unheard of! Still, once you’re married, all Filipinas instantly become sexual dynamos who have insatiable appetites for sex in any form. But only with you, of course. Filipinas never cheat, and the idea of divorce is utterly alien to them. Most do not even know what divorce is, or adultery for that matter. No, Filipinas are utterly and completely loyal sexual servants who want only one thing: to please you!

Why? Because you’re a handsome guy, that’s why. Because she knows that American women just don’t know a good thing when they see it. Filipina wives don’t care if you're unemployed, or if you’re a crack-head, or if you're lazy or abusive. You’re her one and only and there was never, ever, anyone else for her. She loves you because you are who you are and that’s why she married you. The fact that you live in one of the wealthiest nations on earth and that she was living in poverty played no role whatsoever in her decision to marry you. She loved poverty, and unlike other women, Filipinas have no desire to marry men who can provide a good life for their children and themselves. In fact, if you were a destitute alcoholic rummaging through the alleys of Manila, and you somehow met the exact same woman you are now writing to as an American, she would still want to marry you based on your charm and good looks alone.

By the way, you can get away with anything when you’re married to a Filipina. She cares only about your happiness, not her own. If you’re too hung over to mow the lawn, tell your wife to do it! In fact, the only thing Filipinas like better than constant sex with you is, that's right, mowing the lawn. You know all those times she’s on the phone talking to her friend in her native language and giggling? Well, you can bet if she’s not talking about your sexual prowess, she’s probably talking about the new Craftsman pushmowers that are on sale at Sears.

Another unique thing about Filipinas is that by some genetic quirk, they never age. They will remain exactly the age you married them for the rest of their lives. If she’s 25 now, she’ll remain 25. Her skin will never wrinkle, her hair will never turn gray. And it’s a physical impossibility for a Filipina to ever gain or lose weight. They never get fat or skinny, and their hair is always perfectly combed.

Most Filipinas speak perfect English, but that doesn’t really matter, since they speak only when spoken to, and you won’t have much time to talk to your wife while she’s mowing the lawn, right? In the unlikely event that you find yourself talking to your wife (perhaps you get stuck in the elevator with her, etc.), don’t worry, she’ll not initiate a discussion. While all Filipinas are brilliant, they prefer not to use their intelligence in any capacity outside of reading the Karma Sutra or performing complicated lawnmower repair. Talking to you would clearly be out of line. For that reason rest assured that you’ll never have an argument with your wife, since even if she were inclined to talk to you, her opinions and beliefs match yours so perfectly that there is no area for disagreement, and even if there were, she would never in a million years voice her dissent.

There's really no need for you to get to know a Filipina before you marry her, since all Filipinas are wonderful in their own unique ways. You simply can't go wrong. Step off the plane, find some girl outside the airport, and you're set! Yes, it's really just that simple! Why waste hours, even days of valuable time getting to know your special girl when you can make a trip directly to the U.S. Embassy and get that paperwork started? Don't worry, the taxi drivers are all honest and they'll be more than happy to watch your luggage for you while you sign the three forms necessary for you to get married and bring your Filipina back to the U.S. The embassy staff members are all very friendly and eager to help you and will overlook any minor mistakes you might make while doing your paperwork. The entire immigration procedure should take no more than 15 minutes, and of course the Filipino taxi-driver, thrilled with the knowledge that another Filipina is marrying a wonderful American guy like yourself, will stop his meter while you are inside.

So what are you waiting for?! Get on that plane and go get her!

Last edited by mabuhay : 05-11-2008 at 04:44 AM.
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  #2  
Old 05-11-2008, 04:46 AM
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Welcome to HELL!

Filipinas are the worst wives on earth! Any man who marries a Filipina is making a big mistake! They are all evil, manipulative girls who want nothing more in life than to get a greencard. All of them are prostitutes – virginity is absolutely unheard of! Still, once you’re married, all Filipinas instantly become frigid monsters who are opposed to sex in any form. At least with you. Filipinas are never loyal, and the idea that they will remain married to a loser like you after they get their green card is utterly absurd. Most come to the U.S. with the date of their divorce already marked on a secret calendar they carry with them, though they fully expect to screw around on you in the meantime, too. Filipinas want only one thing: their greencard!

Why? Because you’re loser, that’s why. Because she knows that you couldn't find an American girl who would even look in your direction and that you're desperate. Filipina wives don’t care if you have a job, or that you’re a crack-head, or that you're lazy or abusive, because, hey, they're going to run out on you eventually anyway. You’re her one and only ticket to America and she grabbed the opportunity. She tolerates you because INS says she has to, at least for two years or so. The fact that you live in one of the wealthiest nations on earth was the only reason she married you. Certainly not because she loved you! Filipinas never marry for love. In fact, if you were a destitute alcoholic rummaging through the alleys of Manila, and you somehow met the exact same woman you are now writing to as an American, she would probably pull her butterfly knife out and slice your nose off before kicking you in the ribs while you begged for mercy.

By the way, you can't get away with anything when you’re married to a Filipina. She cares only about her own happiness, not yours. If she's too hung over to cook you dinner when you come in from the late shift, you better bring home a pizza! In fact, the only thing Filipinas despise more than the idea of sex with you is, that's right, cooking. You know all those times she’s on the phone talking to her friend in her native language and giggling? Well, you can bet if she’s not talking about how inept your are in bed, she’s probably talking about that new knife sharpeners at Sears.
Another unique thing about Filipinas is that by some genetic quirk, they instantly age by 20 years when they step off the plane in America If she was 25 when you last saw her in the Philippines, she’ll be 45 when you next see her. She will also gain about fifty pounds during her first week in the states, mainly from eating all that pizza you bring home after work because she won't cook.

Most Filipinas can barely speak English, but that doesn’t really matter, since she's got nothing to say to you, and you won’t have much time to talk to your wife while you're busting your butt working to feed her, will you? In the off-chance that you should talk to your wife at some point (perhaps she wants to borrow a few hundred dollars to go bar hopping, etc.), don’t worry, she’ll leave as soon as your wallet is empty. Talking to her would clearly be out of line. For that reason rest assured that you’ll never have an argument with your wife, since if you did, she might kill you in your sleep.

There's really no need for you to get to know a Filipina before you marry her, since all Filipinas are pretty much the same, i.e., evil. You simply can't get a good one. Step off the plane, find some girl outside the airport, and watch your life become a living hell! Yes, it's really just that simple! Why waste hours, even days of valuable time getting to know your special girl in a desperate search for sex when you can make a trip directly to the U.S. Embassy and get screwed right on the spot? And while the immigration officers are screwing you over, rest assured that the taxi driver who is supposed to be watching your luggage is already in Ilocos Norte sorting through your valuables with his family. The embassy staff members are not, technically, human, but are instead aliens from the planet Scroo-U2 who specialize in anal probes. The entire immigration procedure should take no more than 15 years, and by that time your girl will have already found a richer and better looking guy to spend her time with.

So what are you waiting for?! Go get drunk and forget about marriage. You don't deserve it anyway, right?
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Old 05-11-2008, 05:12 AM
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LOL! I like the part about the taxi driver and embassy anal probe:-)
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Old 05-11-2008, 01:49 PM
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Default Dish Washer

I heard from two americans speaking to each other at at partyhere in cairo egypt.
One guy tellling to the other. I need a brand new dishwasher. The other guy answer. " Just marry a filipina, dishwashing and laundry is inclusive.
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Old 05-18-2008, 08:14 AM
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Default lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by butz View Post
I heard from two americans speaking to each other at at partyhere in cairo egypt.
One guy tellling to the other. I need a brand new dishwasher. The other guy answer. " Just marry a filipina, dishwashing and laundry is inclusive.
This is ridiculous....filipinas are not machines ....
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:14 PM
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Exclamation Go Pinay!!!!

Go Pinay ipakita nyo kung ano ang kagandahan nating mga Pinay. Kahit ako naii experience ko ang panlalait ng mga foreighner.Kung magtrato sila parang alila tayong mga babae. Pero ako lumalaban ako. Na di lahat ng mga Pinay nilalapastangan.
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:15 AM
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Default Little Knowledge is a dangerous Thing!

Generalizing the Filipino women in sucht terms as described by "Mabuhay member"
is definitely an evidence of lack of knowledge on filipino cullture
as well as narrow-mindedness.

What a disgrace!

Aggie
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:29 AM
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Default Low Sense of Humour!

Who says it´s fun to read such kind of article on filipino women?

What a low sense of humour!
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Old 05-20-2008, 11:52 AM
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Thumbs down Pinay still d best when it cmes to b a wife.Not like white woman.Play girl! dndvorce!

Wag na lang nating tingnan ang negative side na nakasulat. basahin na lang natin ang positive. Sa tingin ko at sure ako na iisa lang ang nagsulat nyan at nakalagay americano ang nagsulat. Opinyon nya yon. Basta as a Filipina malinis ang hangarin ko sa buhay. May takot ako sa dios at marunong ako rumispeto sa kapwa. Di naman lahat ng pinay ganyan. Siguro mga nameet nya eh mga pinay na mababaw at taga clup not educated na tulad ng iba. Maraming pinay na maganda ang kalooban. Siguro minsan ang iba nakakagawa ng kung anu ano dahil sa hirap ng buhay lalo na sa bansa natin. pero pinay pa rin ang d' best kung sa magiging asawa lang. di tulad ng mga puti salawahan ang mga asawa nila. kaya nila dini devorce.Kaya ang hanap nila ay pinay para madali nila mauto. Ako no way! Go Pinay!
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Old 05-23-2008, 12:13 AM
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I dont think that can be addressed to Pinay's only. No matter where you are in the world there are Women that you can categorized as such! And to think its not only Women who you can lived with to Heaven or Hell, that Include's Men as well! No one is Perfect! STILL, FILIPINAS ARE THE BEST!
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